Dear Stork & Curly,

A friend of mine whom I really like is troubling me. We’ve been friends for some years now, and we’re pretty close. We have a fair bit in common, the most notable being that we’ve both lived abroad in a number of different countries, which stands out where we live now. She is vivacious, fun-loving, and a good person. The only problem is, she seems to drop long-time friends for no reason. These are close relationships too — one woman she even went to Europe with, which I see as really “breaking bread” with someone. Since I’ve known her, she has suddenly axed three relationships. She’ll be close with someone, and then all of a sudden, she doesn’t speak with them anymore. It appears that she’s dropped these friendships out of jealousy, but I’m not sure. She would comment to me about these friends’ appearances, and say that her husband really liked women who “looked like that.” She’s also told me that her husband likes certain qualities that I have, yet I’m no flirt, and my husband and I think that my friend and her husband are “thick as thieves,” so maybe jealousy isn’t really it. Whatever it is, it seems her reasons are petty, and I just don’t understand why she has cut her friends off. I can’t help but wonder when I’ll be next. Should I tell her my concerns directly? If not, how much do I invest in the relationship knowing it could end suddenly?

Frugally Fashionable

Dear Stork & Curly,

There's a woman in my mutual friends circle I'm having a concern about. She's an amazing mother, wife, and friend. She's bright, interesting, funny, and enjoyable to be around. With one flaw. She talks badly to each of us individually about other mutual friends. Now, to my knowledge, she's never talked badly about me. But she has, on many occasions talked badly to me about other women I know whom I like very much. This makes me uncomfortable, yet, for fear she'll turn it on me to other people, I haven't said anything. I admit to "talking on egg shells" around her and minding my "p's and q’s” which you may think isn't real friendship. Which it probably isn't. And yet, I enjoy her.

Recently, I asked her if her husband could put in a good word for me with a company I was applying for a job with. Her husband works there and is rather influential. She enthusiastically agreed and indicated her husband was "on it." Since then, a job opportunity has presented itself that I'm very interested in and am in salary negotiations for. My gossipy girlfriend's husband's company has not yet called me for an interview. Most likely, I'll be accepting the position I really want. My fear is, when I tell her that I've accepted another position, she'll be irritated I'd asked her husband for help, and talk badly about me and the situation to our other mutual friends. Why does this bother me? Who in the heck knows!

We wanted to bring together storytelling in as many forms as possible, creating a community feeling of support much like the days of yore when you could speak and be heard around a crackly fire, as well as ask advice of a nearby friend or elder when you met at the local watering hole. The Missing Peace hopes to inspire active storytelling for all.

Read below for one reader's question and two pieces of advice from us, Stork & Curly. To send in your own (anonymous) questions for our unique perspectives, see our submission form on our advice column page by clicking here.

Dear Stork & Curly,

I work in a customer service job where I consistently interact with the public, and am tired of being asked rude questions about my appearance (my tattoos, hair color, etc). Examples of these rude questions are; Why is your hair like that? Do you have anything else pierced? Do the curtains match the drapes? What are the meanings of your tattoos?    

Any advice on how can I politely do the following: a) call them on their rude behavior (without creating conflict), b) in very few words, help bring awareness that their questions are othering, and c) maintain personal boundaries while navigating a tricky social situation.

Any feedback is much appreciated! :)

Tattooed & Tormented